Welcome to the Wellbeing Collaborative

Ordinary means “of no special quality or interest; commonplace; unexceptional”. In the past I have dismissed ordinary – because why would I want my life to be commonplace or unexceptional? I want excitement, interest, and to do things that are special. This last year I have realised that ordinary is very special. Here are some reasons why:

1.        It makes up your life. Every ordinary unremarkable action you take makes up the sum total of your life. It is the brushing of your teeth, exercising, or smiling at people that create you. These ordinary actions matter.

2.        Extraordinary needs ordinary. I have a very ordinary practice of writing every day. This very ordinary (and quite often boring) practice has helped me to create things that are not ordinary. The ordinary is your foundation for extraordinary.

3.        Ordinary can change lives. You don’t need a title or leadership position to make a difference. Everyone has ordinary actions at their disposal that can change lives. It is sitting by someone as they grieve, or hearing their story and really listening. Ordinary actions like these are life changing.

4.        Ordinary is not ordinary (you just think it is). An ordinary event is that I get up, turn the tap on, fill the kettle, and turn it on. Because this is ordinary (unless I do it standing on my head), it is easy to take it for granted. Be grateful for your ordinary life.

Ordinary has a bad reputation. Let’s appreciate the ordinary again.

I was watching our gardener Craig weeding one of the many garden beds this week. I mentioned I would be a bit overwhelmed by doing the gardens at the school. He said if you look at it all at once it is overwhelming, you just have to “start in the corner”. He meant this literally, by starting with the weeds in one corner of one garden, and then just keep working around until you finish.

I started thinking about all of the times I feel overwhelmed because it is ‘too much’ and maybe I could apply the same thinking to that. Here’s some ideas:

1.      But I want to do the whole garden. Yes, I know you do and so do I. It is important to keep the larger goal in the back of your mind but keep your eyes on the current corner. This might be working through a fear (but your larger goal is your anxiety); decluttering your third kitchen drawer (when your goal is your house); or buying someone a coffee (when your goal is rebuilding the relationship). You have the larger goal, but your eyes are on small ones. 

2.      Be satisfied with incomplete large goals. Sometimes you don’t get to complete the large goal on day one. For example, you may have wanted to mark 100 papers but you marked 20, or you wanted to prep the house for painting but you only did one room. Appreciate that you have made significant movement towards the goal for today. Nice work.

3.      Choose your corner. I can’t tell you how much time I have wasted over the years by not being able to choose where to start. Everything seems equally urgent and when I start one task I worry about the other tasks that aren’t being done. Just pick something. Be specific, and then go for it.

4.      Stay in the corner until you finish that corner. I tend to start one project and then move to another (often because the first is too big or too hard). I have been trying hard to push on until I complete a certain amount of a task (e.g., 20 minutes of editing, three rooms vacuumed). I have found you get more done, complete more jobs, and feel greater satisfaction.

5.      What overwhelms you? It could be a family problem, your tax, your marking, a friendship, your sock drawer, or the shed….(okay that is me). Pick a corner this weekend and do one thing….

There have been times that I was going to email you, bring you flowers, or check in on you…but I worried what you might say “That’s a bit much” or “I don’t want to talk” or “I don’t like flowers”. You see, I work out your possible response, and then I decide if I am going to do it. The problem with this excellent theorising is that you actually didn’t have a say, I decided for you. You may have said “what lovely flowers, they made my day?!” or “Thanks for checking on me”.

I think sometimes we guess people’s responses to protect ourselves from getting hurt/rejected/offended. I mean how embarrassing if I bought you flowers and you think that is silly. The thing is, we can’t let other people’s possible responses control our behaviour (especially when we are guessing). We need to use all of the information we have, and then do what I think is right. If I get a negative response, I don’t have to hold that.

 Guessing stops you from doing good – having the conversation, sending the text, buying flowers. You will manage if they don’t like the flowers too.